So this is the public journal.
Hello to all who can see me
Herefor all eyes to see
To write from the heart
i am free
free to express free to laugh as the words sweep over the page
Memories flood my mind and the present moves on with it's age
I will laugh I will cry
I will want to die
There is a pain within that will always stay
Brought on by one fatefull day
We move on the best that we can
We smile and I hope you will take my hand
Can't stop twitching. I blame the smokes. I guess that's a sign I should quit??
Nah.
In office, as always. Need to do editing and all that jazz. Presentation next week and haven't started on it yet. Oh well. Maybe Sat.
Ummmmm.....not too much to report at this pt. I finally got to talk with casey again the other day, after a few days without hearing his voice on the other end of the phone : (
but all is good again. I'm scrambling to get his carepack out. I don't want it to seem I'm putting it off, bc I'm not. I literally have no tieeemmmppooo to do shit. Sucks. Time managment is a bitch.
Finally figured out what I'm doing my web pg on : ) Hopefully it works out. Also looking to start that organization on campus this semester. I can see how it may be impossible honestly at this pt with time and all, but I really want to. Hopefully I can get bites and all (which I really think I will...it's first of it's kind on campus). It'll be nice to put, that I started an organization on campus, and hopefully it'll continue on for years to come. : )
That's it for now I guess. Man, I need another cigarette....
Sunday Morning
Oopsie, I seem to have been very bad as this is now Thursday! now let me see where do i start? hmmm I unfortunately went with the earlier idea on saturday evening of "going out"! I washed my hair, slapped on 3 quarter trousers boots and a large mans shirt with a huge belt wrapped round my waist. I am cringing as i remember. I also slapped rather bright green eyeshadow on and more than likely had cheeks that resembled Aunt Sally! and lipstick like coco the clown.
Oh god why did i go? I was lucky enough to remember my evening as i did a lot of dancing. with an old work colleague, wonderfully gay and so pleased to be in his company, even though he did insist on the usual "after shock" yuk" I hate that stuff.. Sunday morning at home after waking up naked, clothes strewn all over the house and the neighbours cat brought in from the rain and rehomed for the night, my head was banging like a huge bass drum. The words echoed round my head. "why did i go out"? I hated the guilt feeling in my tummy of "what did i do?" "what did i look like"? and "oh god was i out of order"? Id have to wait to be informed of tha latter.
For some strange reason unknown to mankind, i decided to cut the grass! there i was rough as a badgers bottom, feeling incredibly sick and unsteady and i chose to tackle the lawn mower and strimmer. A proper punishment for a hangover. After 15 mins i looked around and wanted to stop but couldnt cos it looked so bad! damn it id have to keep going, and thats exactly what i did. I moaned and grumbled all day and was only truly happy when i was all cosied up under the duvet feeling awful but reassuring myself i would soon be asleep and feel so much better tomorrow.
The second day of school was more exciting than the first.
My Web Design class is so boring! And the cute guy isn't even my partner! I'm telling myself I have to talk to him tomorrow though.
I stole the index card from Orchestra with my name and #1 on it! - It's so exciting.
No longer will I pursue guys. I will let them do all the chasing, all the hunting or whatever other word that could be used to describe what they do. Not only is it stressful and tiring trying to get the guy - most likely if you are doing all the persueing,they wont want you anyways! I know the guy I would like, but instead of throwing myself at him, i will give him subtle hints that i am very much so interested in him - and if he doesnt take the hints, he is either too dumb to get them or just not interested in me. Either way, I guess its his loss (not to sound cocky, but its so true!) The thing is, im not a player or a slut or anything like that. But I like to keep my options open and Im not too sure if that is good or bad. I dont want to give any wrong impressions or say the wrong things or anything!! I want to make good impressions and say good things, and make him smile and everything. I just dont know how hard it is gonna be to get me to work up the courage to do whatever it is i plan on doing. i dont even know.
Ahhh todaayss beeen sooo amazing!!!!
This morning when i woke up .. usally time, i did my usally stuff and got to school! ... ryan wasnt really avoiding me .. but i noticed he cudn't look at me .. which upset me abit... and then at break time he didnt come talk to me at all!! .. not even a hello!!!! .. i was sooo annoyd!! .. I lookd over at him, to see him standing in a MASSIVE groupof girls .. probs having a gd old flirt! .. which pissed me off evenmore!!
Thenn .. at lunch, he turned up by our group .. i jst lookd at him then turned the other way! .. then he came u behind me and gav me a hug .. i was like .. oh .. 'heey' ... lol! We started chatting, then b4 i knew it i was laughin! .. he jst makes me soo happy .. i really dnt know how he dus it!! .. no matter how pissed off i am wiv him ... he jst always puts a smile on my face!! =]=]!
.. anyway ... end of lunch came quicklyy, and i said my goodbyes too him.
R.E
English
END OF SCHOOL!! .. woo! lol
I came out of the wilson block and meet up wiv rosie liam and jamie (bikeshed buddies!! woo!! lol) ... and then lookd around to see cally ryan jo and sam mc all stood at the exit .. for me? .. i was like .. huh .. wats goin on!! .. ryan lookd really upset, and i didnt know what he was guna say .. but he pushed me away form the rest of them and said ...
'gemma .. will yoo go bk out wiv me!' ... and i just went ' Yaaayy .. i didnt fink ud ever ask .. i didnt fink u wantd me anymore!!' .. and he replied noo .. and hugged me really tight!!
soooo now im jst really happy and really hyper!! .. and i need ot go watchn him footy trainning soon .. soo im gna goo!!
TOODLES! xxxxxxxxx
I Love Birds
Hi
India has managed to draw level with England after going down 3-1. Was a tough match
But... B..U..T.. we won
Get 4-3 series victory guys.
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